First off, we’re not actually heterophobic… well most of us anyway. We love straight people. They give us
If it weren’t for them, we wouldn’t be able to have shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and other sorts of
reality TV. Our magazines would be filled with mundane gay drama and intellectual humor. Sexual assaults and other
straight-dominated crimes would fall off, and the news would lack flavor. The world would seriously be a boring place.
Jokes aside, we’re really just here to help people realize one common thing: society is retarded. There’s murder,
war, destruction, neglect, fear, apathy, and hateful religion, and people actually worry about guys doing other guys
in the seat.
There are three types of problems: big problems, small problems, and
dude, that’s not a problem” problems. Gay people fall under the latter of the three. No matter what religion you are, no
matter what creed you are, no matter what nationality you are, one thing is certain: gays should be fairly low priority in
comparison to more serious problems.
That’s the real aim of Heterophobia. We strive to help people actually realize through satire that being mean to gay
people is just plain stupid and pointless.
Amidst blatant discrimination, hatred, and disapproval—not only through one’s government, but also through one’s
and religious leaders—we, the sane people, need an outlet. We need something to laugh at, mainly so that we may realize
that it’s all one big circus. Think of it: soccer moms hating a group of people because of whom they fuck. Many people
would be outraged by such surface-level misunderstanding. Some would even hate back at them, primarily for being so
ignorant in their cause. We, however, choose another outlet: laughter.
We think it’s funny when people pop up at gay pride parades with anti-gay posters, screaming various quotes from various
religious sects. I mean seriously, who has that kind of time? They wake up at o’dark thirty in the morning, pack their
hot dogs, and go out for their protest. You would think that they were actually protesting something that’s
not-so-victimless—you know, like the death penalty, rape, murder, or theft. But no, they’re protesting guys kissing other
guys, and girls doing the sexy with other girls. We find things like this funny.
that is our way.
So we say be proud and remember the Heterophobia motto: “Fuck ‘em, they’re ignorant bastards.”
Just smile and laugh, people... smile and laugh.